Surgery, which is the world I’ve been heard again and again during the last month. Before writing this post down, I just talked to a friend that I hadn’t contacted for a long time. She literally, in some ways, inspired me to write down this post. As a part time blogger, I asked and doubt myself thousands and hundreds times for one thing: should I just keep in the line, sharing some stuff related to my main stream like fashion, travel and lifestyle? Or it’s okay to share some personal affairs? For many times, I was about to say it out and I did not have the courage to do so. But after the talk with my friend, I believe it is necessary to write something I’ve been wanting to. It is more like a mission than desire from the depth of my heart.
I guess I need to start with the motivation. The motivation is the word I said at the beginning of this post: Surgery. The last time I talked to this friend, she said she was coming to the city I am living at this moment in China, because she was going to take a job here. But today, she told me that everything might need to be delayed since she was going to have a surgery, to remove a cyst inside her. It is a quick and small surgery, but her anxiety is going over the line. Seeing the hard time she is going through, reminds me how similar I was with her. For the last three years, I have been battling with myself, with all my effort. You’ll never know how hard it is to battle with yourself, unless you have done it. I got this situation half year after my grandma passed away. After I lost her, it took me a very long time to accept the truth that she was gone. At first, the sadness caught all my focus and I did not have time to think and afraid of the other things. However, like I said, I got this situation around half year later. I lived in regretting during that time, regretting not been able to company aside her more. I became oversensitive and irritable, even suspicious. I did not even realize something was going towards a extremely negative way. It was not the worst part. The worse thing is that I started to have physical reactions few months later. Just because I was blaming myself all the time, so I could not sleep well, eat well. As a result, I did not have enough energy to engage in my daily activities. Here you might have seen something was really going wrong in my life. My mum was the first one that figured my situation, even before I realized it myself. I tried so many things that could help me get out the trap during the past 2 years. Travelling, shopping, helping other people in trouble, finding little beautiful things in my daily life, etc. All these thing might not have its own impact alone, but it really worked by having all together. That is why I am sharing some pictures of the very little things that caught my eyes during the past few days. I started talking to myself, I mean for real. I told, and still tell myself that I need to feel HAPPY AND HEALTHY again. I have a strong desire to be happy. Happy becomes a life goal and attitude, other than a single word that usually describes an emotion. Nevertheless, things didn’t always go towards the positive way. Sometimes, the negative side of me would stand out and try to beat the normal me down. She would keep whispering, trying to convince me that no matter how hard I try, I’ll be regretting at this or that point in my life when I think of those bad days. I can say that: I fought with myself,every day and night, during these years. And now, I am relived from that myth, and my health situation is getting better. I am back to the right track of my life. But if we look back to those days, it was me, myself, who set the trap to myself. The only thing I could do was battling with myself but no one else. Today, I am seeing my friend worrying about her surgery, thinking it is the right time and right place to say my own experience out.
First of all, be positive and DO NOT THINK TOO MUCH. Thinking too much about the bad side of the situation you currently in would screw your life, and the impact is continuing. So you need to kill it before it grows. No matter you are fighting with yourself like I did or not, remember you’re loved and you are the only one can save yourself from the traps that life sets for you. DO NOT regret for those thing that you did or haven’t been able to do, because the past is past. Do what you want to do, happy to do, leave the REGRET behind, live the future. Most of the time, we just battle with the other side of ourselves. Hope you all do what makes you happy with no fear. Nothing is more important than living happily and healthily. Find the little things that can lighten your day, be appreciate. One thing at last, learn to let it go, try to forgive yourself and set yourself free.
It is my friend’s upcoming surgery that inspired me to share my story with you guys, because I found that everyone would have this kind of problems in their life: Battle with yourself. And wish my friend can recover very soon.
Love from #Emily.G
*Outfit (for grocery shopping): Denim Jacker from Current/Elliott (similar here),
Jeans from Levi’s 501,